Coopers Station Survival Kit (Week 1)

 COOPERS STATION SURVIVAL KIT (only $9.99)

Welcome to Coopers Station! Prepare yourselves to be beaten, worked like slaves, starved and maybe even killed! You don’t want that? Why? Oh, okay. I understand. Well, good luck, I can’t help ya. ‘Cause that place is NOT the paradise you thought it would be. Don’t look at me like that, ya making me feel bad. Fine. I’ll help, but I can’t say my advice will be the key to your survival, ya might not even survive with these instructions! But they might give you a chance.

Equipment:

1. Resilience, trust me ya gonna need a ‘hole bucket load of this stuff.

2. Silence, if ya talk all the time, ya gonna get the strap all the time.

3. Strength, ya gonna need dis a LOT

4. Friends, it's bad enough with ‘em, imagine what it ‘ill be like without ‘em. They also make great shields.

5. Hope, ya need ta think it will get better. Otherwise ya don’t stand a chance.

6. Also lots of metal. Like if ya a robot that would be awesome. (Ya know, in case ‘e tries to shoot ya)

7. But ya best weapon will be NERF GUNS! Try and travel to da future so ya can stock up on this vital equipment.

Method:

1. Don’t talk back to Piggy. That is one of the WORST things you can do. Why? Well, ya get beaten if ya do. SO BE POLITE!

2. Don’t call ‘im Piggy, ‘e is Mr Bacon, though feel free to taunt ‘im all your want behind ‘is back. BUT ONLY WHEN ‘ES NOT THERE!

3. Don’t go around looking. Ya will see stuff and ya will regret it, especially if ya get caught. SO DON’T GET SEEN IF YA DO!

4. One of the worst things you could possibly do is slack off work. Ya will be strapped. AND JEEZ LOUIS DOES IT HURT!

5. Eat as much food and drink as served to ya. Ya will need it. Ya don’t wanna get dehydrated or collapse of exhaustion out on the farm. EAT YA GREENS!

6. Make sure ya obey him. ‘E will not tolerate it an’ ya will regret it later. BE NICE!

7. Always pray and be all holy. ‘E likes God, so ya do to. AMEN!

8. At Sunday, always sing the songs and pretend to be listening. LA LA LA LA!

9. One of the great things about Sunday is the food. Eat as much as ya can an’ don’t be afraid to save some for later. FOOD! GLORIOUS FOOD!

10. An’ one of the most important things is to do what ‘e says. This will be crucial to ya survival. CRUCIAL!

Well, that's it from me. I hope ya make it, I really do. But try and follow my instructions. Also make sure ya bring lots of presents for ol’ Piggy. Aim and Fire! (Silent and violent works best).

In school this term my reading group has been reading Alone on a Wide Wide Sea. It is by Michael Morpurgo. I didn't have the time to post it until now but once I'm up to date I'll be posting once a week. This is when we first started the book. Miss Leigh and Miss Panther said to write it like joke instructions, so this is why it isn't very serious.